Welcome to the wide crazy world of TJ Klune

As you can see, this is a blog (a blog, you say? You're like the only person in the world that has one!). Here are my promises to you: I promise to up date this as much as I can. I promise that at some point, you will most likely be offended. I promise you may suffer from the affliction the Klunatics know as Wookie Cry Face. I also promise to make this some place where you can see how my mind works.



You've been warned.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Asexuality & Me; Or, How I Can Be 33 Years Old & Come Out Again


            Hi!
            My name is TJ Klune.
            My real name is Travis Klune.
            I answer to both.
            I’m an author. I write books about dudes falling in love with other dudes, having heart boners for each other, and getting into wacky adventures that sometimes involve unicorns or really smart vegetarian ecoterrorists-in-training.
            I like lasagna. I like reading out on my back deck. I like going on walks and trying to get lost on purpose. I talk a lot. Sometimes, I will go on Wikipedia and three hours will have passed and I have gotten lost in a Wiki spiral. I also like dogs, cats, tacos, the way it smells the morning after it rains, Britney Spears, men with beards, writing, playing video games, and pulling weeds in my sorry excuse for a flowerbed that wraps around my house.
            I like laughing. I like making other people laugh. Sometimes, I make people have Wookie Cry Face. I’m not a people person, to be honest. I have anxiety disorder and it sometimes fucks with my head a little bit. I’m still not all the way okay after events that started in December 2013 that led to a necessary dissolution of a relationship I was in. Eric needed to focus on himself, and I couldn’t find a way to be part of that focus, and for that, I sometimes feel like a failure, like I wasn't strong enough to do what other people could have done in my place. I get nervous in front of large crowds, even if people don’t think I do. I like to write how I think people talk. I started telling people I was gay when I was thirteen years old because it was the closest thing that made sense.
            So, hi!
            I’m TJ Klune.
            My real name is Travis Klune.
            I answer to both.
            I’m also a sex-positive asexual.
            Now, I know what you’re thinking. Really, Tj Klune? You like BRITNEY SPEARS? WTH.
            And to that, I say shut up. I love her. She will always be my queen.
            You may also be thinking, sex-positive asexual? What is…that.
            And that’s a fair question.
            If you look at www.asexuality.org, you’ll see that asexual is defined as someone who does not experience sexual attraction.
            That’s a fair definition, even if it’s a bit broad.
            If we were to delve into it a bit further (because there is always subsets to the subsets), there is the term homoromantic, which is defined as a person who is romantically attracted to a member of the same sex.
            Sex-positive means that I can understand and appreciate the sexual aspect of a relationship, even if I don’t necessarily need it.
            So, if we’re being specific, I’m a sex-positive homoromantic asexual.
            And holy shit, that is a fucking mouthful.
            Which is why, for the longest time, I just thought I was gay. And that’s what I told other people. Because I didn’t know you could be anything else.
            Look, I’ve had sex with men. Quite a lot of sex, if I’m being honest. But ever since I lost my virginity, I never really understood why I wasn’t feeling the way others seemed to feel about it, or why I didn’t have the same reaction my partners had. I’ve had sex. I’ve had what can probably be labeled as holy fuck that was good sex. I can…um. Complete. Finish. Glaze donuts, make you look like a lava lamp, or whatever.
            But the sex never felt like what I thought it was supposed to feel like. I could understand the motions behind it. I could understand the good and the bad of it. I learned to know how to do it. It has always been consensual.
            It just never felt like more.
            I am okay with sex.
            I just don’t need to have it. And, if I’m being honest, would sometimes prefer not to have it at all.
            It was easier for me to identify as gay, because I was attracted to men. I don’t want to have sex with women. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a woman. If I ever saw myself in a relationship, I always thought it would be with a man. That hasn’t changed since I was eleven years old.
            But I don’t know that I want to do that anymore. Because I don’t know that that’s who I am.
            If you look above at the first definition of asexuality, it says an asexual does not experience sexual attraction. There is a difference between attraction and sexual attraction. I tend to be attracted to the way people talk. The way they laugh. The way they think. I am attracted to sarcasm and snark and intelligence. It’s not about being sexual. It’s about being compatible.
            I have never been sexually abused.
            I have never been hurt in a sexual way.
            I just don’t need sex.
            And that’s okay. It really is. I am learning to be happy again. I am learning more about myself than I have in the previous thirty three years. I’m learning that I am one weird motherfucker, and that’s okay.
            So what does that mean for you?
            Good news!
            Absolutely nothing.
            Because nothing will change.
            It’s just a label, after all.
            Did you see those things I wrote about myself before?
            Those are the things that define me.
            I am weird and quirky and I talk too much and sometimes, I can’t control the way my brain thinks. Sometimes, I get sad and don’t know how to fix it. It usually goes away by itself.
            Labels aren’t necessary. Just because I’m a certain way, shouldn’t necessarily mean much to others. If you like me, I hope it’s because of all the reasons I listed first. If you don’t like me, I hope it’s because of those same reasons.
            Being asexual may be a part of me, but it doesn’t define me.
            Why the label, then? What was the point of all of this?
            I've tried to be very transparent in the last four years since I've been an author. Many of you reading this have been here since the beginning, seeing me fumble my way through being in a spotlight for the first time in my life. Some of it was good. Some of it bad. Much of it probably awkward and cringe-worthy. 
            But I've always tried to be as honest as possible with anyone who follows me. There have been times I've received emails or comments from some sixteen or seventeen year old, saying how my stories have helped them figure out who they were. And if I can keep on doing that, I will. This is me saying that this is who I am. This is the way I'm supposed to be. And you can sure as shit bet I will fight tooth and nail for every shred of happiness I can allow myself to have. And if that helps someone else, then I like to think I've accomplished what I've set out to do. Label yourself, don't label yourself, it doesn't matter. Just find a reason to be happy with who you are or who you could be.
           So. 
           Hi!
            I’m TJ Klune.
            My real name is Travis Klune.
            I answer to both.
            I like carrot sticks. And putting sour cream on pizza. And watching cat videos on YouTube. My brother and I still think farts are funny. I have a nephew who I adore, and I think my sister is one of the strongest people alive. I really like my friends. I’m going to a couple of baseball games next weekend with Abi Roux, even though baseball is boring. I had a bad week at work this week, so I’m glad it’s the weekend. I want to write a book about an author who writes monster porn. I’m probably going to mow the lawn tomorrow. I like ketchup on way too many things, Stephen King, Fallout 3, Jennifer Lopez romantic comedies, classical music, driving with the sunroof open, and Christmas (119 more days!!!!)
            That’s who I am.
            That’s what I do.
            I just also happen to be asexual.
            And you know what?
            That’s okay.

          
           

45 comments:

  1. Congrats on coming out. :) Welcome to the super Aces! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Tj, I like carrot sticks and sour cream is lovely on jacket spuds! You're awesome as you are. Congratulations on coming out.... Again :-))

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are who you are - a dreamer who wants to visit Stonehenge one day. Don't let others make you feel bad/sad about it. People are strange and might say bad things anyway. I personally believe that you are awesome, and strong and wish you all the best in finding/learning yourself again.

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is an amazing post. I like you just the way you are...even though I only know you from your writing and online persona. I think you're amazing and very brave with how you're willing to put things out there. smiles...

    ReplyDelete
  5. You make me smile so hard. And cry. I'm drawn to your quirk, your humor, and the way you ramble. And I want to hug you.
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. Very interesting post! I've never tried sour cream on pizza; it sounds good!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm a gray-ace and i don't need the label too but i was really happy to learn that i'm not alone and not so weird (this it's not true, i'm weird). So happy second coming out to you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very interesting post! I've never tried sour cream on pizza; it sounds good!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Fair enough. Have a lovely weekend with AR 😃

    ReplyDelete
  10. You're as awesome, funny, enlightening, entertaining and beautiful as your books xox

    ReplyDelete
  11. I love everything about this post. I love your honesty and bravery. You're a breath of fresh air. <3

    ReplyDelete
  12. I've not heard of this orientation. Does this mean that you would not want to be in a sexual relationship? So, ideally, you would want to be with another asexual person? It is probably a relief to have this resolved in your own mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Lisa! That is a good question. I can have sex, and can even enjoy it, but it's not something I need, or even really want. Ideally, I can have a relationship with anyone, asexual or not. There are plenty of asexual/non-asexual relationships. Some are open, some are exclusive. It just depends on what works for you. Some asexuals can be sex-repulsed, or demisexual, or gray-sexual.

      Delete
  13. So that - that up there ^ - that was AWESOME - just like you. I don't eat pizza anymore, but if I did - I would now eat it with sour cream and Brittany doesn't do it for me, but I do have Arlo Guthrie's autograph tattooed on my arm, so I get the importance of our favorite singers and musicians. Keep on doing what you are doing and thank you for sharing it with us.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm a married women who is asexual the only time I have sex is when my husband makes the first move. I was worried that I was weird and wondering why I was like that I did love my husband but why couldn't I make the first move, I talk to someone and they told me what I was feeling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi, Alvia! I am so glad you were able to find out how you were. You are not "weird" by any stretch of the imagination. You are exactly the way you are supposed to be. It makes me happy you had someone to talk too! <3

      Delete
  15. You are crazy but I still love you. Stay awesome TJ. 😘

    ReplyDelete
  16. You are crazy but I still love you. Stay awesome TJ. 😘

    ReplyDelete
  17. Thank you for this. I always felt odd that I absolutely crave m/m romance novels, but I skip the sex parts. Can't wait for your next novel. Whenever they come out, it feels like xmas!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought I was the only one who skips the sex part. It is nice to know I'm not the only one. I probably have lots more to say, but I have to think and process my thoughts and feelings. TJ I like the characters you write. If you are anything like them, you must be an awesome guy. I do have to question your love of sour cream, but the tacos make up for it I like or dislike people based on their actions. As long as you are not intentionally mean spirited and treat others the way you want to be treated, I'm good.

      Delete
  18. Oh, you like ketchup... on almost everything. Well that does it, I don't think I can follow you anymore.
    I love your writing style, in books and on your blog. No matter what I get something out of it. Now I need to try sour cream on my pizza.

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi TJ,
      I'm a pansexual genderqueer asexual, and I only worked this one a few months ago (I'm 37). I don't want or enjoy sex, in fact, I think it's boring, but I don't mind reading about it and I tend to be mentally attracted to people regardless of gender.
      I have never been sexually abused or hurt in a sexual way either.
      Thank you for your article. I've heard asexuality referred to as the hidden sexuality, and in many ways it is. We need to talk more about it so that the one percent who are asexual understand that there's nothing wrong, it's just how they are.
      As you said, my asexuality doesn't define me, it's just one part of me. I love reading, time with my mother, sister, niece, and nephews, alone time, and listening to the birds outside my window.

      Delete
  20. I briefly thought you were saying you like ketchup on Stephen King, Fallout 3 and Jennifer Lopez romantic comedies and was a tad concerned, but apart from that good for you.

    The introspection required to work this stuff out must have been hard and coming out AGAIN sounds terrifying, so yeah you should be proud of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Benjy I was thinking the same thing. I literally read the line 3 times before my mind finally caught up! :)

      Delete
  21. Boy did you just describe how I feel about sex perfectly. I am a 51 year old Heterosexual female. I always wonder what was wrong with me. Now I know nothing is wrong with me. So thank you so much!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey Travis! Thanks for this... so many times in my life I've heard "You're not married yet?" To which I smile and say, "Nope." As you said, it's not that I don't enjoy sex or relationships. It's that I don't necessarily *need* sex. It took me well over twenty years to discover this about myself. I don't feel like I'm incomplete... as a matter of fact, once I could put a name to it, I felt free.... not that I'm labeled, but that I simply... am. Because I'm me.

    Thanks for being you, my friend. :)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thanks for coming out. Again. :) It made me think. I'm going to do some self research!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dude. I was cool with it all until you said sour cream on pizza. Sour cream should only be put on tapioca pudding.

    ReplyDelete
  25. You are perfect just the way you are. And in regards to you and Eric, you didn't fail at all. There were no right or wrong ways for you two. You fought hard and did very good things. Never feel like you failed there. I was in awe of you and how you handled all that. You are strong and beautiful. Keep that shit up. And sour cream is good on lots of stuff. :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. You keep being you and we'll keep following along. Love 💜

    ReplyDelete
  27. I SO agree with Heidi Ryan's assessment of you & Eric's relationship. That was a show of such extraordinary strength .. to be able to recognize both your needs & Eric's needs ... and to do what was best for both of you. Life is definitely not just a bed of roses ... the thorns are wicked sharp. Keep healing & carrying on with your journey. You're doing a magnificent job! Thank you for sharing it with All of us! Keep those sneakers pointed forward & I eat sour cream on everything ... you can keep the ketchup! Love from Alaska

    ReplyDelete
  28. And here I didn't think I could love you anymore. I'm not sure what the rest of the post was about, but you love Britney and Lasagna. Me too. So, yeah. More love. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Honesty takes courage. You have it in droves. And strength. Ann Alaskan said it all perfectly.

    Also, sour cream on pizza is super awesome! <3

    ReplyDelete
  30. Congratulations, TJ. It's so nice to meet you. Again. *wink* <3

    ReplyDelete
  31. Hi Tj what a powerful post , but You are still Tj Klune , extraordinary writer,kind person, adored by many ...so what's the difference ............exactly, nothing
    hugs Dani <3

    ReplyDelete
  32. TJ Klune you are strong and awesome and I adore you. Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Wow, I loved this post. Thank you for this, you've given me a lot to think about for myself. Congrats on coming out, again. I really admire your strength and, my gods your humor is epic. I literally read, LSH twice already. You are an amazing person, and I'm happy to see I'm not the only one who thought you liked to put ketchup on Stephen King, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I don't think you realize how much this post affected me. It hits so close to home for me. I like sex, but I don't like feel like having it all the time like most people. I feel like I'm going through the motions or doing it to please the other person. And I think that me and my boyfriend aren't working out cause I like being on my own. I like being a homebody. I like staying at home reading, writing, and watching movies, you know those corny scary movies that don't really scare you. Well I like to yell at the tv and make fun of them. Spending time with my kids is another highlight of my days. I don't get to do that too often though cause I work third shift at Walmart close to my Podunk town in IL. So thank you so much for this post. You are an inspiration!!

    ReplyDelete
  35. I love reading anything you write you Always make me smile even when u r writing about yourself. You are one of the few people I know who can actually make what some would call "bad" things about themselves and turn it into something good., one of the few people who can belly laugh at themself. One of the few people who without even trying can make me get wookie cry face. Never, ever stop being you!

    ReplyDelete
  36. This isn't news I thought you might have said something shocking years ago I began the battle with you to become BRITNEY'S BITCH

    ReplyDelete
  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Hi, my name is Christina, BOATK series are some of my all time favorite books, you are one of my favorite authors, and I'm asexual :)

    ReplyDelete
  39. ...what kind of pizza do you put sour cream on? All kinds? One specific kind? If you try a new kind does it automatically get the sour cream treatment?

    ReplyDelete
  40. Congrats on realising/coming out. Come have some cake with the rest of us :D To be honest I had a suspicion when you actually knew what an asexual was in the Lightning-Struck Heart :D Remember to update the asexual characters in fiction page on AVEN now!

    ReplyDelete