Info, rules, and prizes, oh my!
To celebrate the release of the sequel to the award-winning bestseller Bear, Otter, and the Kid, we’re going all out! Who We Are continues the story Bear and the boys as they deal with the next stage of life beyond their happily ever after: custody battles, misanthropic seagulls, the return of old enemies, and, of course, bad poetry. To mark this occasion, we are proud to announce the first ever Official Bad Poetry Contest Super Funtime Extravaganza!
Over the next four weeks, we will be asking readers and fans to submit their own original bad poetry, telling us why they think they should win and have the honor of being crowned the First Ever Bad Poetry Contest Winner, a title most coveted amongst the few people who care about such things, and in certain backrooms of disreputable establishments that most likely allow prostitution and where the walls are probably sticky.
And to make this literally the most exciting event ever to take place in recorded history, we have enlisted three celebrities as the judges. TJ will pick his top favorites out of the submissions and then hand off the final decision-making to the most powerful celebrity judging panel ever assembled.
Prepare to shield your eyes from the awesomeness:
Eric Arvin, author of Woke Up In A Strange Place and Galley Proof
Jamie Fessenden, author of We’re Both Straight, Right? and The Christmas Wager
SJD Peterson, author of the Whispering Pines Ranch series
As we said: Most. Powerful. Celebrity. Judging. Panel. Ever.
The specific rules and dates:
1) The poems are due no later than Friday, April 20th.
2) The subject matter of the poem is simple: Why should you win this contest above everyone else?
3) The poem must written by you and no one else. (We’ll know—we have our ways.)
4) The poem must rhyme, because as everyone knows, real poems rhyme!
5) The poems must be a minimum of eight lines or 2 stanzas, to a maximum of 20 lines or five stanzas.
6) THE POEM MUST BE BAD. We mean it! If you present something that is literary equivalent to Robert Frost or William Blake, you will be disqualified and your poem will be posted so everyone can make fun of you for being so good. AND WE WILL MAKE FUN OF YOU.
7) Poems are to be emailed to firstname.lastname@example.org and contain the subject heading “Bad Poetry Contest Entry”. Again, it must be submitted by April 20th. The email must also include your name, return email, bad poem (duh), and also your location (States or outside the US—more on the reason for that in a minute.)
8) Winners will be announced on April 27th, the release day of Who We Are.
9) Putting a hit out on fellow contestants to even the playing field is permitted, as is bribing the judges. (TJ also accepts bribes in the form of baskets of mini-muffins. But God help you if there are blueberry mini-muffins in there. TJ hates blueberries and will have you banned from the human race for all eternity. You’ve been warned.)
And now, onto the PRIZES…
eBook of Who We Are
--eBook Who We Are
--an eBook each from Eric Arvin, Jamie Fessenden, and SJD Peterson
--an eBook each from Eric Arvin, Jamie Fessenden, and SJD Peterson,
--Signed paperback copies of Bear, Otter, and the Kid, Burn (Elementally Evolved Book I), and Who We Are from TJ Klune
--and finally, the Grand Prize Winner will have their name used as a character in the upcoming second book in the Elementally Evolved series, titled Break.
This contest is open to everyone. However, should an international reader win, TJ will be unable to ship paperback copies overseas. Should an international reader win the Grand Prize, they will receive e-books and have a character named after them in Elementally Evolved Book II.
So, there it is! Should you have questions, please email TJ and let him know. Have fun creating the most atrocious poetry known to man and we can’t wait to see what you come up with!
--The Bad Poetry Crew